The Worst New Year Ever—I hate it…

New year means happy time for each and everyone of us. I used to happy with it for more than 20 years already. But why this year I hate it?

Simple, but not easy to understand. This year is supposed to be another happy year for me. My currier is good, my life is okay because I already found my beloved one and already engaged, the health is good too, but there is 2 simple but serious things happened.

One, my second-sister is sick and now staying at the hospital for treatment which I don’t know how long she’ll stay there and how much money that we’ll pay for. This makes me very headache and not just me, but for the rest of the families are worrying about her illness.

Second and the most headache and painful for me. My fiancé is angry with me and no more believe in me because I make her feel lonely during this new year while I don’t actually have the new year for this year. I completely don’t have any ideas/clues to solve/fix this problem. This is not a new issue that we have, but this time it is really painful for me. It’s like you have been cut both feet and head. I’ve tried to fix it for the whole day but it end up with no result. I tried to SMS, call, messages to her many times, but I she didn’t reply me, not even one.

I have no friends, no joy, no feeling and no energy to do things right now. Cutting out both feet and head, you’ll have only one way to go,…is dead and I am dying now because of that.

I’ve been trying to balance between the family and her, it always end-up like this. Relationship is really complicated and I am really afraid of it now.

At this time in point, I am not dare to see her face, to talk to her or hold her hands like I used to. I can only stare into her picture in my phone and think, think and think. Think twice, triple…. but there is no clue for me at all. I’ve been ask myself, should I keep my sister at the hospital and go for away with her during new year, so that she won’t feel lonely anymore? or should I leave this problem behind and take care of my sister? Or what should I do?

At the end of the day, I cannot answer all of those questions. Not even one.

I hate new year and next year I won’t have any new year at all. I would rather stay at home, keep thinking and thinking to really see me.

I hate you, New Year!

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